I am lost, in this deep, dark hole. I never knew anyone could be this sad, six months of the same monotonous, uneventful routine in which I only have myself to blame. No one knows, they think they know but they don't, the repetition is all consuming. The only thing I wasn't prepared for was losing all of my friends. Where did you all go? During the pregnancy you visited and planned on being great uncles and aunts, helped me dress my 250 lbs belly full of twin because I could not dress myself anymore. Then the baby shower came and some of you dwindled. The babies were born and you all wanted to see, and hold and coo. And then time progressed to a few visits, random check ins and poof. You are all gone. I am alone. Never fully alone however I do have my family and my boys who are adored and loved but alone all day with no one to talk to. I finally understand when The Sims are "stir crazy" because I have gone seven days without seeing the sun. I'll repeat because you did not and could not fathom that last sentence. I have gone seven days without seeing the sun. Can you imagine? No car, No babysitter,( no one I trust to babysit) and yet I am expected to be strong now and get over things faster because two innocent lives depend on me to survive.. I have dropped things right where I stood and ran to some of you when you needed. Answered late night phone calls and helped with your lovers quarrels, I have been a chauffeur when you had no cars and your therapists when no one would listen. I have been the wingman and the loan provider, the adventure seeker and the day planner, the job and apartment finder, the sister, mother, brother and personal chef to some of you...And again I ask, WHERE ARE YOU?
So, with this I say, I am loved, not by you but by my children, you didn't save me, any of you, you didn't care and now I don't. Don't send help, it is no longer needed. I have grown wings and they will take flight. They have been plucked and bruised but they are mine and they will take flight.
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