Scars from the pretty one

I could never do what you've done to me. The hidden scars, the fake I love you's, the smile that turns into gritted teeth. No I could never be you. The lies of trust and honesty and I got your back. Who needs that? You constantly throw things in my face like dollar amounts and secrets of friends. Who's buisness is it of yours to air out other peoples dirty laundry while yours has shit stains? No, I could never be you. You don't believe in me? In my dreams? In what I can do? Fuck you! I'll be better, better than you,better than your best dream. If you want something from me, I'll need something from you. You don't know love, love isn't "shut the fuck up you little bitch""fuck you, you motherfucker" "sometimes you act like a dumb blonde". Etc, etc..etc... No, I'll never be you. I wanna be the best human I can, but it's hard when your toughest critic should be your number one fan. Fuck love if it's coming from you, cause you are toxic. What a waste of such a pretty face.

Trust issues

I would not prefer perfection over authenticity. I want to know who I'm talking to and hanging with at all times. I never had a problem with trust until a recent (2 years ago) heartbreak.(That just shows you how strong that bond really was). I now must ask you a series of questions and observe you just so I  know when you're lying. Nothing crazy or obsessive at first or all at once because let's face it, I need to see if you are even worth the trouble, never mind the friendship. Trust is so tricky, I mean really think about it, would you trust someone who trusts everyone? And in return could someone try to trust you if you don't open up? This is partly why a lot of relationships fail, this five letter word makes the best relationships and breaks the weak ones. And how about those other people we like? Those people who are great at advice and buy you things for your birthday and whom you're tired of seeing because they basically live in your home? You know, friends! They are in what we or I like to call the tight circle. You'd tell them before your mom that you're pregnant or got that date with that cutie at Starbucks. I like tight circles, I can see everyone and I know who's behind me and who isn't. Those people who aren't must be watched,those who are shall not leave that circle. "Where are you going? I need you". We need no one, but we feel better with them around.