In this HEARTACHE of mine....

Indeed, you are my lover and my best friend and though it may not seem like it always,I think of you first. I want you and want to feel wanted by you. As time progressed and we became more like adults in a real relationship than teenage love birds,strain and stress has taken over. Soft kisses and sweet whispers turned into mushes to the forehead and curse words. There was a time that only us and our love existed now there are chocolate covered models and females with tight bodies and large bottoms. When I scream and yell,I am only frustrated that we aren't anymore what we once were. When I stay silent, it's worse, I'm in desperate need of you and when I cry? I am losing all faith. I've wanted you for so long that being with you had consumed me whole. I want your love and compassion, your strong arms holding me tightly,whispering how beautiful I am to you. We aren't lovers, we're barely friends, the respect has degraded and the passion pacified. And with full regret, I am more to blame for the start of this. As for changing and trying to make it better,my efforts go unnoticed and I feel alone with the iciness of your shoulder, the whip of your back and the dead in your eyes. I am wounded by your lack of love for me. I am desperate to be loved again, to be loved great again. To start anew and begin the chills of excitement and the nervousness of butterflies. All the while I am still waiting for your company, every evening before bed. A broken heart is nothing to take lightly but love lost in a present relationship is a tragedy, an overbearing, unexplainable,devastating  heartache.

In the City...Pt 1.

When you finally go back to the city and do the things you want to do and see the home you left almost three years ago,it does something to your psyche. You become overwhelmed with joy, regret, love and memories. You meet up with that special person whom you always think about but try not to speak about. His smile, his hair, his perfectly straight teeth, his warm brown to natural tan skin that's smoother than rose petals. He is undeniably the same but there is a maturity that you haven't recognized before. A certain growth in his mind and his goals leads you to remember why you started falling in the first place. Or why you always kept in touch. There is a reason for everything, whether you want to admit or not but things don't work out at certain times because it wasn't your time. You are in need of "perfection" and that can mean breaking the hearts of those we love the most or rekindling that spark of someone from years ago.